Anyway, posting about what happened with Boards was hard and
humiliating. It was also a good test of
how fast the gossip train travels at my medical school. Time from posting to someone in my class
calling or texting me to inquire? Approximately
8 hours. Well done, stalkerish people of
my med. school! You may not find me
worthy to talk to in person, but at least I’m well known enough to still be
spoken of. I’m flattered, I think.
Anyway, I digress.
In the midst of all of this, I’ve been overwhelmed by the
outpouring of internet support that I’ve gotten. There were so many comments just sending
happy thoughts, vibes, or prayers and the emails…oh my goodness, you guys, THE
EMAILS!
You people are freaking amazing. Also, it seems that a good proportion of you
doctor types have also failed your Boards.
It’s good to know that I’m not an anomaly, because let me tell you,
before I posted my last blog entry, I knew NO ONE who had ever failed their Boards. I felt lost in very lonely, isolating place.
So, thank you for being brave enough to share your stories, advice, and
resources. It means more than you know.
And, for you real life Washingtonians? I feel so unworthy of
your love. Here I am, being a total
hermit and anti-socialite for the past year and when shit starts hitting the
proverbial fan, what do you do? You ask
what I’m doing on Thursday night, because you want to take me to dinner. You force homemade comfort foods upon me and
text every day to make sure I’m OK. You organize
a champagne brunch at a fancy hotel in the city, then email me to say that it’s
your treat.
The last one is courtesy of the ladies at Doing the District and you guys,
the last time I saw them before their One at One party this month was like,
MONTHS before. And I cancelled a million
times on them this summer. And acted all
weird and antisocial because I was chained to UWorld. And when it was all over, not only are they
there to offer support, but Katie goes and ORGANIZES A FREAKING BRUNCH. It is seriously one of the most touching
displays of loyalty, generosity, and friendship that I’ve ever experienced. So, please go follow their blog. They are in the know when it comes to all
things DC and beyond that, are amazing, thoughtful, wonderful women.
Rock on, internet friends. You’re good people.
17 comments:
Awww... I wish I lived close by!!! I'd be the one taking you out for margaritas or a 'tini or two.
RS, I've been reading your blog since it started. I'm a pre-med who previously asked you about Loma Linda, and my husband is an MD.
We are going through his third cycle in the match. We are optimistic and we have done what we need to do. There is no need to give up.
I'm writing to you from Australia because he is also looking for a job here. The job prospects here for MDs are considerably better than in the USA and they actually pay more. There is hope.
That's too bad. From what I've read thus far you seem very passionate about your wanting to be a doctor and to help people.
Have you ever considered something else, like a technician or something along those lines?
If I were in the dc area, I'd find you. And feed you. As it is, you should visit me on the other coast!
The Internet loves you!
I am so so glad we all met, I feel very lucky to have such lovely friends :)
Aw, I am so so glad we all met. I feel so lucky to have such a lovely group of blog friends turned real life friends!
Dear RS
All those who wander are not lost.
I cannot even guess what you must be going through but I know that it is a sign, that you should meditate quite a bit about your next step .
I am a horrible test taker . Even if I have prepared decent enough yet I score bad on the paper . That's just the way it is for some people .
You have wonderful people in your life who genuinely care for you irrespective of career choices so please know that somewhere far away from you this writer is very proud of you for being strong . you are a hero in my eyes.
Sometimes the reason why bad stuff happen doesn't make any head or tail at the moment but eventually you may realize that it was for the better
Again I know its easy to say all this but I want you to know that Im sending you my prayers and hoping God would make you strong and see you through this to a brighter state of things .
I apologize if i sound preachy but Hang on RS God willing you will be smiling soon
I don't know the details, been away for a week because of exam, but as someone who knows failure and every horrible feeling that comes with it, I tell you that it will be well. Maybe you will feel humiliated (though there's no reason, failure and success are parts of life) and maybe hate yourself, but hard work will pay of.
Just today I passed exam that has been blocking my life and path in medicine for almost TWO years. To be on the other side is... unbelievable. As much as I hated every anxious moment, now it only makes success bigger and you more experienced and understanding toward yourself and others.
Good luck with everything!
A
I didn't email you but I meant to. I go to a highly-ranked northeast medical school and after a drastic change of curriculum we had 7-8% fail my year (normal is 1% for us). I don't know who all of the people are but 5 of them are friends of mine and are residents in peds, med-peds, medicine and family med in well-respected programs both academic and community. They matched at programs high on their lists and got plenty of interviews without having to apply to 50+ programs. I know that none of them dropped out since my whole class graduated either on time or after extending by 1 year. If you really don't want to finish training I wouldn't recommend sticking it out, but don't think that this failure means that you aren't good enough to become a physician. Either way, I think time off will be good for you.
Best of luck
I know it was difficult to post what you did about your boards, but I have found numerous times in my life when I am honest about what is happening it allows other people to feel safe sharing their experiences and more often than not they have been through something similar. It is too easy to look around and see everyone as successful and without life disappointments. The truth is that most people have dealt with very real disappointments. Only a brave few are willing to let others know that they aren't perfect. I am so happy that you have wonderful, loyal, and generous friends to help you and support you during this time.
gotta get right back up...just like the rest of us when disappointment seems the theme of our life...cause the world can not keep you down.
you are blessed to have supportive friends.
Screw the haters!
OK, I see how it is. So text me your address and I will gladly share a drink or five with you. We'll make a sleepover of it! I'll bring the ice cream and tissues. And SCREW 32 year old mama's boys, while I'm at it!
I haven't been following you for too long, but I've been impressed by your writing. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've been thinking about what you said in your last post about not wanting to take any medications. I can understand that. As I've been thinking about your situation over the past few days, however, I kept thinking about you mentioning how test anxiety was getting the best of you. I'm not a doctor yet, I don't know you at all aside from a few posts, but I can't help but wonder if your anxiety would be helped by some sort of medication. If we judge medical problems by how they affect our life, your anxiety is a huge medical problem. I don't see anything wrong with taking something for it. When efforts to deal with it fail, perhaps it's worth looking at alternative methods.
Don't give up on your pursuit of medicine! You will be a great doctor. Just don't be so quick to say no to what medicine has to offer you.
Just my 2 cents. I wish you well!!
Hey Red- I have been reading your blog for a while, but missed the earlier post about the boards. So, so sorry to hear; that just plain sucks!
I think the year off is a good idea. Too many of us in medicine stay because we have the (completely false) notion that we are committed and don't have a choice. By leaving, you are reminding yourself that you do have a choice, do have many options in life, and only need to do this if you really want to.
Having said all that, I am currently a 4th year OB resident. I love it, though I know not everyone does. I went to a foreign med school, and had some classmates that failed either step I or step II. All of them are now in residency programs, so I know that coming from a US school, if you wanted to match, you could. Yes, it would be "challenging" meaning you would have to take the competitiveness of the field and the location into account, but you do still have the option. Take your time, think about what you want, and make a choice.
If nothing else, you are an amazing and insightful writer. We also need more of those.
And if I lived closer to you, I would totally take you out to get wasted...because getting wasted with a total stranger is completely normal, right? I could be your designated driver though since most people frown on girls who drink while 8 months pregnant.
Twitter ignorants can suck it.
If medicine makes, you miserable, then getting out is the right choice. But if you still want to be a doctor, that's what you need to do. Just don't decide now. YOur emotions are too raw and your perspective is a bit skewed. Reassessing in December is a good idea. Know that no matter what you decide, the people in your life love and support you. From all the comments you've been getting, it seems that even people not truly in your life, we anonymous readers, also love and support you. That's an awful lot of good energy.
I also worry that you are taking what your medical school to heart. From your earlier blog entries, it's obvious that they never supported you before; why would they now? Your school has been discouraging your from the beginning, so I am not surprised that they are kicking you when you're down. Do not listen to the voice that has been against you from the beginning; listen to the voice(s) that have encouraged and loved you from the beginning.
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