I was hitting a wall, even though it was only 11:45 a.m.
Barely two hours at the computer, and I was so sick of looking at dumb USMLE world. I walked past the kitchen, browsing for a snack. Eating was borne from boredom more than hunger, but I needed a distraction.
It was then that I glimpsed my sunny balcony, with bright, blooming flowers and two balcony chairs. They were calling me.
 |
| My balcony! |
Completely assured that the balcony would a harbinger of change and the necessary oomph to get me back on track, I grabbed my mini brush, swept the ashes (FROM THE NASTY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS**) off of them and plunked my bottom down.
I shot up like a firework!
Those chairs were HOT, and not in the Katy Perry in a club kind of way.
As it turns out, dark brown chairs get very warm when they're sitting in direct sunlight, and can actually cause pain to the skin. I can only be grateful that I was wearing underpants (FOR NOW***).
*The Lawyer and I have had discussions about what we let our kids call their bottoms. Don't ask how this discussion started, because I don't know. One of his friends was taught to say, "buttocks," and even into his twenties, kept saying "buttocks." I was taught that "butt" was bad, and it was called a "bottom." The Lawyer wants me to teach our children the scientific names, including, but not limited to "gluteus maximus."
**I'm not loving my upstairs neighbors. In addition to smoking on their balcony (which stinks up my apartment and leaves ash on my outside chairs), their walking around noise is SO LOUD. I haven't complained to the management, because I honestly don't think it's intentional. Their thud, thud, thud is so loud, though, that I often have to wear earplugs. I've never seen these people, and my only theory is that they are morbidly obese.
***I hate wearing pants when I study (doesn't everyone?). Also, my Ob/Gyn once told me to skip the panties occasionally at home, because the dyes in underwear (and bleaching in toilet paper) can irritate sensitive skin. The Lawyer has taken these tidbits of information and run with them. I exploit it for its humorous aspects because I spend all day alone and have no other material to work with. :(
13 comments:
This should've been titled "I've Got a Hot Ass". ;)
When the kids are here, you'll have to go back to calling it a "bum".
You, my friend, are BRILLIANT.
I grew up calling it butt, sometimes in public settings my mom would call it bottom, sometimes in front of my kids I call it booty. Just depends on the situation and in what context you're saying it.
We have settled on bottom and hiney (sp) to refer to that particular large muscle group that we sit on. It works for us:-)
Zazzy- I think I can pull off saying "booty." The Lawyer, not so much. :)
FADW- Forgot about "hiney!"...will have to add it to the mix.
Hahahaha this is hilarious. But I agree about not studying in pants- or at least, never jeans, sometimes sweatpants. In the comfort of my own home, of course :)
Burnt skin is the worst feeling! I am always bound to sunburn the backs of my legs when I go to the beach.
If you call them "buttocks" you have to say it like Forrest Gump does. And I am so annoyed my brother and SIL let their kids say "peanut" for the male body part that sounds similar--thanks to a "cute" mishearing by one kid. Because you never use peanut in any other context, oh nooooo.
My good friend's horse is named "Peanut." *sigh*
In Canada, we say "bum"... :) or "rear end" or "rear"..... :)
Hi, first-time commenter here. I just wanted to say that I hate studying with pants on too. I can't focus on the page if I'm not comfortable.
I took Step 1 in Yoshi pajama pants.
ahyes- Of course not in public, but let's just say that I've been known to borrow the sweatpants of others when it's 10 p.m. and I'm still in jeans in the library.
Kate P- Ahahahaha to "peanut!" Not as cute when the kids are like, 14.
CC- My sister's husband is Canadian and they are also a "bum" household.
Reese- Hey there! Thanks for commenting! The Lawyer used to make fun of me before we were dating, because I'd be all, "Ugh! I just want to take off my pants!" and he'd be like, "Is this an appropriate conversation that we're having right now?"
Cimorne- Your comment just made my day! Love it!
Just found your blog through a comment you left at Girl's Gone Child (about grits, mmmm). I'm in DC as well. I'm sorry you burned your butt -- um, bottom? Backside? Bum? But, I'm glad for the giggle.
Hi - first timer here too (came from DC Blogs). Growing up, we were taught not to say "bottom" -- so of course we ran around saying, "bottom bottom bottom bottom" incessantly. And then I went to school and met Heather Sidebotham - pronounced "side bottom" - and couldn't stop giggling. Still can't. ;-)
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