During the day, I rarely watch TV if I’m home and at night, I’m usually content with just hearing background noise of whatever’s on local programming while I make dinner or read. But on Sunday nights? I love me some trash TV and housewife fighting. It's my one TV vice, so stop judging me!
Anyway, last week, Melissa Gorga tried to coach Albie Manzo’s new girlfriend on how to get a man to marry you.
“Vacuum when he’s not home, do his laundry, and take over all the responsibilities that his mother used to have.”
Hold on one second, guys…
OK sorry, I had to go VOMIT really fast.
As a former relationship advice columnist, let me tell you that that advice is bullshit. I’m not saying that you can’t ever do a nice thing for your man, but you should not be trying to win his affection by sneakily doing his laundry or heaven forbid, trying to be his replacement mother figure.
In fact, not only is trying to do a date's laundry weird, but if you live in the city, it’s freaking expensive and requires breaking and entering. Like, “Oh hey, you left me here in your bedroom after that one night stand and said to let myself out. But instead, I’ll leave with your clothing and take it to the basement/building across the hall/paid laundry service and be back later. Oh, what? I don’t have keys? I have a job of my own? Don’t worry, I have street skills and a roll of quarters!”
Seriously. Stop saying dumb things, Melissa Gorga.
I’ll admit that when I was a writer, things were a lot different in my relationships. I’ve always dated professionals who have demanding schedules and I expected to pick up the slack when they were busy. In return, I expected that they’d do the same when I was say, MCAT studying, or trying to survive MSII.
As a result, The Lawyer is basically dumbfounded when I do anything remotely domestic.
After all, he met me when I was starting second year and was sleep-deprived, emotional, and basically dependent on him for everything. As far as who had the busier schedule, I won hands down and he definitely picked up my slack.
Now, he’s the one with the crazy ridiculous work schedule. Since I pushed my primary care rotation back to 4th year, things are definitely quieter for me. I’m an audio learner and most of my days consist of Board reviewing, so it's been fairly easy for me to put my lectures on when I do chores. It really is no big deal.
But, when you walk into the house at 11:37 p.m., after being gone for 14 hours or more, and find that your laundry has been folded and put away? Well, you’re prone to write things like this:
Then again, The Lawyer has also done the same for me more times than I can count and I know the feeling of coming home exhausted only to be surprised by a clean bathroom, folded laundry, or homemade dinner.
And that’s how relationships are supposed to be (MELISSA GORGA).
*The Lawyer doesn’t have a car because he lives in the city and walks to work. He uses Zipcar, Car2Go, or weekend car rentals to get out to Virginia to see his girlfriend. Said girlfriend has also been known to go to city too, where she might fold the laundry or even turn the dishwasher on when The Lawyer is at work.