2. Proceed to do little to no cooking, cleaning, or laundry. Cry frequently and allow your stress to distract you from being able to complete everyday tasks. Don't be afraid to show true incompetence. Boyfriends are as capable of doing your laundry and filling your car with gas as you are.
3. Finish MSII and resume self-care techniques.
4. Start with small things, which demonstrate that you weren't raised in a barn. Wash your own glass, for example. Make your bed. Offer to help with dinner.
Then, the clincher:
5. Bake something.
It doesn't have to be anything fancy. I mean, a box of muffin mix will probably do. But, do it in the boyfriend's home, so that it becomes fragrant and homey. Also make whatever you've baked look good, with good lighting and plating.
6. Take a picture and send it to the boyfriend at work.
Banana bread recipe here.
If the shock alone doesn't kill him, he's going to convince himself that you've morphed into some heroic super being. And lo, it will be awesome.