And Then, I Had Dinner with The Lawyer's Ex-Wife

I was already feeling under the weather and was debating whether or not I should even try to make it to dinner with The Lawyer’s friends.  In the five or so months that we’ve been dating, though, they’ve only seen me once.

So, after a concerted effort to look decent and make a good show, I walked to the nearest Metro station and headed to Chinatown.  The Lawyer was waiting for me outside of the station with a large Macy’s bag, containing the gift for the birthday girl.

We were one of the first couples to arrive, and since the restaurant doesn’t seat the party until everyone is present, we stood near the entrance scanning the faces of those that were entering. 

The Lawyer is the one who saw her first, but I recognized her immediately.

“You have got to be kidding me!,” he whispered loudly.  I could see his face turning red with anger.

For me, I was mentally building the wrath against the couple who had invited us.  I was sure that they had invited her too, except…who does that?  Here I was wasting two hours of study time, pulling myself together when I was sicky faced, and trying to be nice to them.  And, here we all were…being ambushed.

Obviously, it has occurred to me that DC is a small city and that this type of encounter was likely to happen eventually.   But, I'd kind of hoped that it wouldn't occur at a planned party for mutual friends.

I frequently joke about the exaggerated and inappropriate things I would say to The Lawyer’s ex-wife, but just this afternoon, I thought about what I would really say.  Oh, universe.  Your timing is impeccable.

She didn’t look as shocked as we did, but the greetings were superficial and the handshakes forced.  I knew her name before she said it, and immediately, I started to look her over.  I know that it is horrible, but I wanted to ascertain exactly who this woman was---the woman who cheated on The Lawyer, my Lawyer, because he “wasn’t cool enough” for her, and threw a party the night that he finally gave up and moved out.

I think that everyone who lives in the same town with their ex kind of hopes that they’ll never run into them at any time when they don’t look amazing.  I myself have prayed that Rich will not be in the grocery story when I walk in after the gym, with a sweat-soaked tank top and shrunken capri pants.

So, imagine her regret upon realizing that tonight was just not her night.  She had come straight from work and in addition to looking disheveled in an oversized sweater dress, she was wearing thick glasses and had messy hair pulled back in a frizzy bun. 

I had not come from work, and as mentioned earlier, was intentionally trying to look nice.  I still had manicured nails from my conference last week, was wearing a lowish cut red dress, and had done my makeup. 

For a woman who had a chip on her shoulder because she thought that she was a pretty young thing that all the little 23 year old paralegals wanted to get at, she both furtively applied lipstick and fixed her messy bun at the table.  I know that it is superficial and I don’t take delight in making someone else feel insecure, but the fact is, I don’t really have to be impartial about this.  I don’t think that what she did was right, and I don’t respect her character.  It doesn’t matter what her motivation was or what her side of the story is, because my loyalty will always be to The Lawyer—no matter what.

So, while our hosts made multiple trips to the bar to dull their mortification, I played the role of trophy girlfriend and relished in the fact that she got a bit of a reality check by realizing that The Lawyer has moved on.  There were moments, right out the Shahs of Sunset, where she was very clearly whispering about me from five feet away.  But, there was also the general consensus of the group that she was so, so wrong for showing up and that they didn't want anything to do with her.

After my own discomfort about the situation, I finally decided to just act exactly how I would if she wasn't there.  I made jokes about medical school, ate bites off of The Lawyer's plate when I wanted to try something, and generally tried to be social and civil.

And, she left early.  

The hosts say that she also offered to pick up the tab for the party, since she "ruined the night."  But, not surprisingly, she didn't apologize for crashing or for taking the spotlight off of the birthday girl with her presence.

When we got home, The Lawyer sent his friends an email telling them that it wasn’t their fault that she sneakily texted around to find out the plan and then crashed the party, but that they better never do something intentional like that ever.  Then, he looked at me and asked a question that had entered my mind too,

“So, what am I going to say when we run into Rich?”

Let’s just hope it’s not after the gym, internet.