It's November 1.
This means that The Lawyer filed for divorce today. He texted me as he was walking to the courthouse, but being that I was in class and that I'm distracted with medical school 24/7, I actually thought that he was just trying to say that he was going to be busy because he was going to litigate something. You know, lawyers...courthouses...
It didn't even register.
It wasn't until he texted again later to say that he just needs a stamp from the judge to make it official that I realized, "Oh. He went to the courthouse for...that."
I did send an email saying that I imagined that today would be hard for him and that I hoped that this was the right decision to make him happy. The response that I got back was...emotional...and confirmation that I should be treading with caution.
In his own words:
I'd be lying to say that I'm not somewhat sad today. I really did have an amazing relationship with my best friend that lasted for almost a decade. I loved her, she loved me, and we were a family long before we were married. I will never downplay the fact that I know what a truly great relationship looks like from the inside. But sometimes the world just breaks things. I don't know precisely what happened inside of her, but once she decided that she wanted a different life, her solution was to set everything on fire. And that is the sad part, the fact that there really isn't anything left. I spent 9 years head over heals in love with a woman with whom I was planning our future and family. But so quickly, what I thought was rock solid, unraveled to the point that seeing her face or hearing her voice stirs absolutely nothing inside of me.
It breaks my heart to just read that. From the perspective of a person whose parents are divorced and now, as it happens to a friend who grew up a mile away from me, I just can't stop thinking about how awful divorce is. Calling off a wedding doesn't even come close.
I really do wish him the very, very best with everything.
12 comments:
Wow that DOES sound heartbreaking. It reminds me of the breakup I had with a guy when I was in college. Not to that same magnitude but the way he described his ex/wife is the same thing I said and felt about that guy. He will always have a place in my heart for being the first person I ever fell in love with and wanted to grow old with. Sorry to have this happen to your friend..... now move on in. I'm only joking, jut wanted to make you laugh :)
You don't have to apologize, XOXO...I started moving in during lunch. Woo!
KIDDING! (You can close the email windows now, real life friends.)
I asked The Lawyer's permission to write about this really quickly and told him that what he said was profoundly sad. He said that he hates that I took away profound sadness, because he views it as just another chapter in life and the good years outweighed the bad. Maybe if I had heard him say this in person it would be different, but reading it is still heartbreaking.
I'm thinking he just needs YOU in his life. A doctor and a lawyer? It's perfect! When's the next date?
I don't care if he thinks it's not sad, it made me VERY sad to read his account of things. I can't imagine things falling apart with my husband like that. I would be totally devastated since I really can't imagine my life without him.
But, I second what KE says -- now it's your turn to move on in!
That breaks my heart, too... Good thinking to be careful with this one. He'll take some time to heal...
IA- I don't know when the next date is. I can't think past the next two hour increments at this point. I'm just so overwhelmed. He's been hinting at this weekend, telling me openly that I have his undivided attention on any date, at whatever time I want it. I didn't respond to that comment, so today, he asked about my weekend plans. (THERE ARE NO WEEKEND PLANS. I MUST SURVIVE THE WEEK FIRST!)
The first time that we met, I pretty much dumped it on him. Like, "I'm free after 7:30 p.m. Tell me where to be." I think that he was surprised, but that's how I roll these days. Also, I think that it's the guy's job to plan dates. Yes, I just said that.
OMDG- Haha...I'll move in as a FRIEND and then we'll see. He's going to need time to get over this.
Janice- Yeah. We haven't had enough face to face time for me to really gauge how he's doing, but wow...that email...it was just so sad.
That is a shame, I feel sad for his declaration of love for his wife. I wonder if they did try to make it work or if she did come back to him would things have turned out differently?
Either way I'm interested in how you'll play this relationship out??
Zazzy- He apparently tried very hard to make it work. He didn't get into specifics with me, but when I asked why he didn't annul (as opposed to divorcing), he said that they didn't meet the requirements. Something about how one person has to be insane (and he wouldn't accuse her of that, because he'd ruin her law career) and that after finding this out, the other party has to move out (which he didn't). The fact that he didn't move out means that he was trying for who knows how long. Maybe that's also why he's so over this. He had to wait 6 mos. from the "official" separation to file for divorce, but I guess the separation wasn't official until he bought a new place...which closed on April 1.
I asked him what happens if one person files for divorce and the other says no and he said that it gets contested in court. Then, he added something like, "I'm knocking on wood that that doesn't happen with her."
But yeah, just so sad all around. It pains me to know that someone my age (so young!), whom I feel like I'm a lot alike in many ways, is going through something like this.
Oops...I guess the new place must have closed on May 1. Sorry...whatever six mos. ago was.
That is truly heartbreaking. Married for nine years to my best friend, I can't imagine. Or I can, and it's terrifying.
I wonder how you go from best friends and in love, to this? My marriage has always been rocky and we were never best friends. I always thought if you married your best friend, nothing could break you up. Guess I was wrong. Just goes to show... you never know how people are going to change.
Michael Ann-Welcome! I actually know the answer of how you go from best friends to this, but I'm now allowed to talk about it on the blog (one of the few restrictions that The Lawyer has given me). Let's just say that it was really, really bad and definitely something that can't be undone. His ex-wife also went to the court house with him to sign the papers the same day, without contesting. I think that action alone says something about how horribly and quickly the whole thing deteriorated.
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