Last night, I wrote the following post, before pulling it down a few hours later when my childhood friend chided me about being too nice and caring too much about Rich's life. (Geez, sorry! I didn't know my bitter wrath for him would be replaced by compassion either, OK? I am still in the stages of grieving! Don't judge me!):
"According to my handy Facebook newsfeed, Rich's sister just got engaged. Tonight. The weekend of his possible 30th birthday party. While she is staying with him in Virginia for a month.
I am happy for her, but seriously, do these people have no souls? Not only did Rich's 30th birthday just get overshadowed by his sister's engagement, but he's going to have to contend with the raw emotions of his own failed engagement while his sister is staying with him for the next month. Is this why the everyone is in town? To celebrate the engagement?
If we were on better terms (understatement!), I'd go over there right now to give him a hug. Despite being a good Adventist girl, I'd probably try to liquor him up a little bit too, because from an outsider's perspective, it would seem that this weekend is going to be really hard for him. Someone needs to give that man some emotional support and not surprisingly, his family isn't going to be the one to do it."
Eventually, one of the many cousins present to witness the proposal posted a video of it on Facebook.(Note to self: Just de-friend all of these people already! You do not need a running commentary of their lives.)
The video was heart-wrenching and beautiful.
Then, it made me sad. I wasn't overcome because it was inappropriate or because I dislike either party. They just seemed genuinely in love. The emotion started welling up when I realized that what I saw on the video was exactly what I wanted to experience during my own proposal. It reaffirmed how badly I wanted the love and adoration of my significant other--something I never felt I had from Rich. I wish that, like his sister's fiance, Rich had known me well enough to surprise me with ease, and sweep me off my feet.
In retrospect, if I couldn't even get him to answer my phone calls, how did I expect him to know my likes or dislikes? I was so utterly lacking in self-awareness about our relationship, sometimes it scares me.
Anyway, my roommate has agreed with the childhood friend that my caring about Rich, his feelings, or his family is unnecessary. So, this is the last I will speak of it. I mean, maybe. The purpose of this blog is to spew my inner thoughts in a safe, non-reactionary way, so I'll say what I want, thank you very much. Congratulations, dear readers, on being subjected to my inner monologue.